Papaya Mom

There are days when parenthood sucks. Yesterday I was tired, today
with Adventure Dad home I seem to be a bit depressed. My mood swings are no
fun for me, or for Adventure Dad who seems not to know what to do about them.
In the end he is a good listener, but neither of us know what to do
about the deal.

I feel bored. I walk every day which is nice. I spend some time on
Papaya’s website as well as www.babycenter.com but other than that …
nada. Cooking dinner is an adventure, it perks up my day. But then I
don’t want food to be my escape, then I’ll end up eating out of boredom
as I did yesterday.

I feel like I should be talking to Papaya, stimulating her mind and
playing learning games, but then I feel like I don’t have anything to
talk about. I feel lazy - physically and emotionally sometimes. I
want to have something interesting in my life, something to talk to
Adventure Dad about other than Papaya. He comes home from work and I push him
to tell me about his day, but for him that part is over. He wants to
hear about Papaya or zone out - I want a foot into the adult world. What
will I do when there is no one coming home at the end of the day?
Where in myself can I find my purpose, interest, excitement,
whatever!?!?

Over and over again I come back to his department head tour being
extended. I know that is the captain’s choice, that the detailer
agreed, and that staying to help the ship got Adventure Dad a great Fitness
Report. Yet, when we got pregnant with Papaya we thought he would only
have one patrol after she was born, and now there are two. He’ll miss
her first birthday, which I am somehow sad about although she will
never know the difference. It is just a day after all. I think I’ve
got to start looking one day, or patrol at a time instead of being
overwhelmed by the idea of him being on sea tour until next Spring. I
am also in my usual state of wishing I knew where we were moving next
but having no chance of getting that information since it won’t be
discussed until this Summer, and decided in the late Fall. For someone
who does not want him to get out of the Navy I sure end up having
moments where I don’t like it very much. I don’t want to take that out
on him since he is working hard, going to sea, etc. so I can be a
stay-at-home Mom which is what I wanted. The real world, working for
corporate America, is to scary - I mean out there you can get fired!
No matter how frustrating this is at times, it is job security and
Adventure Dad is great at it. He can retire at the “ripe old age” of 42 and
have 1/2 his base pay for the rest of his life.

So back to finding out who I am, what makes me interesting. I do
charity work, but that is not always fun. It gets stressful just like
any other job, paid or not. I just finished working on the Dolphin
Charity Auction, but now feel the need for a break. Then again the
Dolphin Dash is coming up and it would be good if I helped Shari with
that. All I really want to do is walk the 5K, but I’ll end up helping
and doing more since it is not like I have anything else to do so I
can’t bring myself to say no just because I’m feeling lazy.

So I put Papaya down for a nap in her crib. Adventure Dad is back there napping
as well in his bed, and he may have taken the munchkin back with him
since her on and off crying does not seem to severe. I don’t want to
be a cry-it-out parent, but I do want her to sleep in the crib soon.
There I go; all I’ve got to talk about is the princess. Her poop, pee,
sleep, eat, play, coo, talk, cry…it is my world. Most days I cherish
that part of this time in her life but this weekend, not so much.

Popularity: 14% [?]