Papaya Mom

I’m really way too good at regrets, in fact, I have to stop myself from obsessing on them.

I regret my selfish behavior at my father’s funeral, as in sucking up all the attention and being generally narsassitic.

I regret being a mean big sister to my sweet and only brother (as a kid).

I regret not updating Papaya’s website in two months.

I regret most (read: all but one) of my pre-marriage sexual partners. Not because they were bad, but I wish I could have come into this marriage with a clean slate, and not because my husband did (he did not). I’ve been dwelling on this one lately. I wonder what I would say to myself all those years ago to turn it around? Don’t sleep with them! Like that would work on a horny teenager. How about; this guy is ten years older than you and in no way has your best interests in mind? Would I have taken the time to consider what my best interests were? I was invincible, and no man would bring me down! Oh but they did, each chipping away at my self esteem. Even the one I don’t regret, my first “love”, in the way that my teenaged self understood it all. But after we broke up he admitted he had never loved me, because he had not yet learned how to love himself. I should have called him on bullshit, because more than the “friends with benefits” or even that older redhead devil, those words cut deep. When I did fall in love again, as an adult, with the man I would marry, it was hard to forget my first. Not because I wanted him back or wanted the childlike drama we created for lack of our own relationship skills, but because how would I know if my new love would mean it when he said he loved me. I don’t remember getting over it, it must have just been time. But damn, I sure regret the time I spent being hurt by someone who was as confused about relationships (at least the healthy kind) as I was.

I regret allowing McDonald’s items to cross Papaya’s perfect lips.

I regret not taking better newborn portraits of her.

I regret every moment I’ve been frustrated by her, or made her cry by refusing to watch “Nemo”, only because I feel guilt at allowing her to have ever begun watching TV at all.

But here is the thing, when I push my regrets out of my mind, resolved or not, I am a happier person. I’m a fun wife and great mother, so my desire is to focus on that.

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1. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

2. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush’s daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a “we can’t find Bin Laden” diversion.

3. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

4. The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

5 A woman can’t be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

6. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans’ benefits and combat pay.

7. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won’t have sex.

8. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

9. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism. HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

10. Global warming and tobacco’s link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

11. A president lying about an extramarital affair is a impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

12. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

13. The public has a right to know about Hillary’s cattle trades, but George Bush’s driving record is none of our business.

14. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you’re a conservative radio host. Then it’s an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

15. Supporting “Executive Privilege” for every Republican ever born, who will be born or who might be born (in perpetuity.)

16. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the ’80s is irrelevant.

17. Support for hunters who shoot their friends and blame them for wearing orange vests similar to those worn by the quail.

Friends don’t let friends vote Republican.

“People call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that distinguish me from a doormat.” ~Rebecca West, Age 20, 1913~

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
~Anais Nin~

Popularity: 13% [?]