I’ve fallen in love many times in my life, for many reasons and in many ways.
Not all, in fact few, romantic…many with just parts of another person, even the idea of what I saw in them rather than the truth of who they were or are.
I fell in love the first time, the kind where you think you might marry and overpopulate the earth with someone, at eighteen. I was young, but not too young, and sat in a truck at Kailua Beach Park listening to a Joan Osborne song about God (What if God were one of us…blah blah blah). I remember thinking that the person I sat next to had the most interesting ideas, I wanted to know every thought that filled that brain and share all of the ones floating through my own. I had my feet on the dashboard and my toenails were painted; proof that my mind saves important facts about the past. This relationship did not work out, although I do wish the person all the very best in life, thank goodness because a year later I met Adventure Dad and the rest is…happy history. But I can’t erase this person from my memory, I often wonder what path life has taken and if it’s treated him well.
My Mom and I talked about it today and agreed, as much as you’d like to erase any love you’ve had for anyone else but your spouse from your emotional memory it’s just not possible. You have to accept it for what it is/was in the context of who you were at that time, smile at the memories and move on.
I still love Adventure Dad the best, followed by Papaya and then…well, the lsit of friends and family is too long to even consider typing. My heart is full and for that I should be very happy.
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Today, Papaya went to the Doctor without crying.
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Day 5..550 miles by Papaya Mom on March 10th, 2006
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I agree, I think you love each person for a reason at the time and that each one makes us stronger. We are so lucky to love and be loved!
LOVE you!
Lori
hmmm so I have a question that normally would seem prying, but since you brought it up…
I always assumed that in a family situation the parents loved their children first and foremost, and then each other next. That children came with an unconditional love guarantee above all else, yada yada. But I noticed here you list Travis as your “best.” Not that you don’t love them both immensely beyond all reason and would ever have to choose, but could you clarify?
It caught my eye because it was something I’d always thought about when considering kids. I thought I would have to “compete” with the kids for my husband’s love…and I’ve never really had the chance to ask a married person with kids how they felt about it…so now I guess I’m getting my chance.
I find it intensely interesting and would like to know more, though I totally understand if you don’t want to pick apart such a personal subject on such a public forum. Answer only if you’re comfortable doing so
Good point….
I’ve CHOSEN to love Travis, and he’s put up with more, so I listed him first. I always worried about loving my children more than my husband, and although I probably do out of internal setting default I try to give him lots of credit and list him first.
The good thing is we are both googly eyed over Maya and are amazed at the love we have for her, which makes it less of a competition in practice.
I put a lot of work though into growing and maintaining Travis/My love so that it is not a whithered dead flower by the time Maya rides off into her future on her own (hopefully after the age of 18 and with a good head on her shoulders and an education in something that she likes)…
Oh yeah, and Maya, although she loves me with every morsel of her body and looks past my warts (metaphorical only of course) did not choose me, and Travis did with a open heart and supportive nature - that is so rad. Equal love from two people who came to me in wildly different ways.
Yeah, Megh and I were talking about how different the love for your husband and the love for your child are that it’s really impossible to compare them in any like terms.
I do like how you talk about “choosing” to love Travis though, because it’s very accurate and symbolic. Romantic love does take a lot of work and it would seem makes it all the more special because of it.
I also like how you mentioned you and Travis both loving Maya so much, which transforms me vs. you into “ours” and, in my mind, would bring you both closer to each other through an intense, shared love of the same thing.
This, of course, is all speculation on my part as I have neither a husband nor children, but for the first time in my life that whole family package appeals to me more than it ever has before.
I’d like to think that the love and passion you had for others in your past speaks of the kind of person you are, and of the wealth you have to offer the person you choose to spend the rest of your life with.
And… Kayte said “family package”. Hehe
I’ll go with any theory that is good on me, lol.
And yeah, Kayte said PACKAGE. He he he.