The Family Equality Coalition is dedicated to securing equal marriage rights for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people and their families in Hawaii.

Sign up as an activist with Family Equality Coalition Advocacy Center to be kept informed of the latest progress and to offer your opinion to decision makers on key issues.

Join the IMPACT is a group working on repealing Proposition 8 (and other anti-equality measures across this nation) which was the final moment when I realized that I had not done enough to prevent the passing of this bill.     Dedicated for full equality for all, I’ve found great organization through their message board on marches like the one I recently attended in Honolulu.  Right now we are all sending postcards to Obama’s transition team to keep him reminded that this civil rights issue is not to be ignored!

PFLAG hosts a program called “Straight for Equality” where we are encouraged to “Come Out (as a straight ally of GLBT eqality), Speak Up (with positive support of equality whenever the oppourtunity presents) and Join in (by signing the pledge and working towards equal rights).”

Anyone else find other groups that they find to be working well towards the (good) cause?

The protests , like the one Papaya and I participated in today, themselves do not overturn the law (there are legal and legislative channels to pursue for that). Rather, the protests give visibility to the issue, and affirm that queer people and their families are human beings with the same rights as others. Civil rights organizers in the 60s didn’t call off marches and boycotts because the majority opinion was against them–they instead asserted their equality until unjust laws were changed. Eventually, “public opinion” caught up. I am confident that it will in this case as well.

“In a democratic society, majority rule must be coupled with guarantees of individual human rights that, in turn, serve to protect the rights of minorities–whether ethnic, religious, or political, or simply the losers in the debate over a piece of controversial legislation. The rights of minorities do not depend upon the goodwill of the majority and cannot be eliminated by majority vote. The rights of minorities are protected because democratic laws and institutions protect the rights of all citizens.”   from http://usinfo.state.gov

The idea that a Church that makes up less than 2% of the population of California managed to secure the majority of funding to pass this proposition angers me [1].  The thing is that for me, and many democracy loving Americans, the separation of Church and State is really important. It allows Churches to do all the silly things they like, and allows the government to function based on democracy rather than a variety of interpretations of morality.

I’m not standing by, not while my government is being pushed around by the religious groups of one kind and another.  Not while civil marriage is not yet a civil right for all Americans.  Not while legal equality is not yet realized by all Americans, every single one.

On a more personal note, I read the list of supporters of Proposition 8 in my state.  I am so very sad to report that my daughter’s pediatrician donated $2000 towards this illegal discriminatory proposition in California and I can no longer spend my co-pay money at her business.  I’m on the hunt for a new Dr. for Papaya who believes that all humans are created equal and deserve equal rights.  While I’m at it - I won’t be spending another penny at  Watanabe Floral, American Granite (Kona), Ewa Point Realty, Hilton and Associates, Kalani Construction (Kauai), Tribute Masonry (Kamuela) and I certainly am shocked at the number of individual donors throughout our “Aloha State” (although I can’t say I’m surprised at the number of donors from Laie).

She’s loving Montessori Preschool and has quite a crush on a roatating list of little boys and a few girls.  It is so funny to hear her tell of her day and how “Hanna and I wanted to play with the same job, so we made a choice to share.”  How cool is that?

It’s starting to get busy here.  Adventure Dad is off on his new submarine and won’t be home for a few more months.  So we are into our “groove” of staying busy - weekly playdates, meeting and getting to know the “boat wives” and the Holidays!  I’ve already ordered a bunch of Christmas gifts.  I am planning to attend a wedding, a Military spouse conference and a few other social events this month.

I feel like the busiest woman on the block and it’s nice, being so social I’m much more fulfilled at the end of the day when we’ve interacted with a variety of people.  So far, Papaya seems to react the same way.  Thank goodness she’s as social as I am!

Her busy little immune system?  So busy fixing broken bone it forgot to fight off the cold going around preschool - yep 102 degree fever.

Fun times at Chez Papaya.

Now, we’ll not go into the fact that in her short lifetime this has happened a few times because it really is normal I think. The thing is - this night it was all bad luck. The bottom half of her body hit the friend’s mattress on the floor so her entire body weight hit the ground (tile in her new bedroom, damn design flaw) on her right shoulder. Before when she’d fallen out of bed I’d pick her up, cuddle her and she’d fall back asleep in minutes. Not this time - she was still wincing in pain thirty minutes later and telling me her shoulder hurt.

We loaded up and drove to the ER. She was more worried that they might notice the splinter in her hand and try to take it out (bad last visit to her Pediatrition with a handful of splinters from Tutu and Bumpa’s gate) then her shoulder. A few X-Rays later she had a new sling, a bit of motrin in her and advice to rest her sprained shoulder and ligament. To my single girlfriends - there is one HOT ER Doctor on the overnight shift at Castle, in case of course you are in need of services provided. Papaya invited him home for cupcakes but alas I’m very happily married, so the poor guy had to go without, cupcakes.

At first she could not raise her arm or rotate it above 8 o’clock. Forty eight hours later she has almost full range of motion back without any medication and we only occasionally bump it in a way that hurts. She’s even going back to school tomorrow after a week long vacation - she is VERY excited to see her play friends again.

Me? I’ll just get back to unpacking…..so goes the life of a military wife. I’ll also pray that Papaya’s bad luck streak ends - in the time Adventure Dad has been out to sea she has stepped on a tack (in our yard?), had the shoulder injury, and then was in our new hammock chair when the O ring in the tree fell and she/her friends all crumpled down. I am SO ready for another parent and a wind of good luck to come back to our town!

When alone though - I worried, a lot.  Not about if I’d be able to “teach” her - we all know that children learn as readily as they breathe. I mean I’m no expert but I managed not to mess up the walking, talking, potty training and so forth, right?  But the worry was more about taking her out of a school I think is doing a great job of child-led free play, a school that is hard to get into - was I letting it go to quickly?

I worried and I worried - even having a few alone crying moments (and a lot of mind racing stressing about it mid-driving places).  Then I realized - I want Maya to get to continue to enjoy school for what a Montessori education is at this age - a daily four hour playdate.  With a variety of children, great resources and long-term relationships that I was just not ready to steal her away from.I had made a mistake pulling her out and wanted to send her back for half days, she’d only been out of school for ONE school day….would there still be space?   I realized this at six a.m. this morning and resisted walking across the street to the home of her Preschool Director (yes, she lives across the street) and instead left a message at her office.

She called back and said that they missed her (her friends were asking after her this a.m.) and would love to have her back.  I dropped her off with some worry that I was “giving up” but a whole lot less stress than I had about taking her out altogether.  What I need to do with this gift, the gift of realizing a mistake and being able to solve it, is get over the ideals I’ve set about being “crunchy enough” or the like and just enjoy being a Mom.  When my princess is home in the afternoons - don’t get things “done” but rather hang out with HER, doing her things and enjoying who she is and our time together.

So there I go - making decisions, changing my mind, working it out - this parenting thing is so incredibly hard (emotionally) when each and every choice feels so very important and messing it up seems like the worst thing in the entire world.  Let’s hope my kid makes it through her childhood with a minimum of scars (physical and emotional) and I do too.   I may homeschool her once preschool has passed as many homeschooling families do - time will tell and I’ve got two years to make up my mind!

Hop into your car with the Daddy you love and take him to work on his submarine.  He’s going under the water today so you need to give him kisses, warn him to watch out for Dragons (ever important when you are a princess to stay on top of the Dragon threat level) and say goodbye.  Mommy will usually take you out to breakfast and today it’s Koa Pancake House where you should first eat your own pancake, then all the whipped cream off your (part time) vegan Mother’s waffle (feel free to roll your eyes, I’m recovering from the UK where vegan might be a swear word).  Then it’s off to the park - a 7 a.m. on a Saturday morning - you may find yourself a bit surprised but there will be not another soul there for hours.  Why?  Because real people sleep, right now you and your Mother are human zombies on a warm morning in paradise.  Proceed to play for two glorious hours until your sweet little body is so tired from the early wakeup that all you want is to go home and crawl back into your own little bed.  This is when your Mother will point at the ocean in front of you (actually the mouth of Pearl Harbor which you ware watching from the Hickam Waterfront Park) and show you the Submarine slipping out to sea.  It will blow it’s horn as it rounds Hospital Point, feel free to humor your Mother and believe her when she tells you that your Daddy did that just for you.  When you squint at the tiny men atop the sail, humor her again and believe one of them is Daddy.

Beg to go home, and fall asleep in your Mothers arms as she walks you the 200 feet back to the car (after a potty break, thank goodness).  Feel the lull of the Prius as it drives you back home, cuddle into your Mother’s bed and take a nap with her for a good three hours.  Now, at 1 p.m., your day can begin.

This is how to start a (short) deployment, three year old style.

What gives?

To start - single parenthood is rough work and the three year old stuff makes it ever so fun.  The tantrums - some days we have none and some days she melts to a screaming pile on the floor when I have the audacity not to read her mind.  It must be really hard to be inside her head - it seems like she’s got PMS mood swings on speed - and I’m like the husband who rolls his eyes at it all.

Living in Hawaii?  Awesome?  Adventure Dad getting Navy orders to a boat here, so that we can say?  Priceless.  But now I must find a house other than my parents in which to live, and make a whole new list of priorities (school?  learning to surf?  Navy wife stuff?) and follow through.
I think instead I’ll go on vacation to the UK to see Adventure Dad then spend a month on the East Coast.  Then, I’ll think about it.

Back to the story - we are walking (I’m walking, she’s waddling around the poop in her panties) to the bathroom and she looks up at me all thoughtful and says “this is a bummer Mom?”

“Yep” I say, “total bummer” and I keep walking - down the hall towards wipes, the toilet and a new fresh pair of princess panties.